FMA poem for fma_100

[okami_hu]

Fullmetal Lullaby

Feel the gentle wind tonight;
Full of tears and muffled laughter.
Everything seems clear and bright
Filled with deep despair and rapture.

Railways run into the distance,
Train engines hum soft and steady
Lulling me into a deep trance
I’m almost asleep already.

Folded red coat is my pillow,
Red eyes watch over my nightmares.
Short is my rest, the joy’s shallow;
Where’s the place where our journey ends?

Where is the peace of our young souls?
Vanished into sinful darkness.
In my heart the emptiness grows;
All my nights are cold and starless.

One thing keeps me moving forward -
A promise I made years ago;
If I can be true to my word
True happiness soon would follow.

OKami 2004-10-28 21:37

Comments

[butterfly-eli.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was *AWESOME* if people were scared of the challenge before, I doubt they'd wanna try and go after this.

[okami-hu.livejournal.com]

Shankyuu! I have to agree, it turned out rather nice... Still brings tears into my eyes. But heeeey, people shouldn't be scared! If no-one else will post, I'll be forced to unleash ALL my poetry on you... Feel threatened. ^^

[butterfly-eli.livejournal.com]

if this is a sample, threaten away :)

[okami-hu.livejournal.com]

^_____^

[coldwriter.livejournal.com]

Hooray for being the first! Good one too. I guess no one likes poetry much now, do they? Perhaps I should have thought of something else but I'm too lazy to think now.

~CT

[okami-hu.livejournal.com]

People, who don't like poetry are grey and empty ones. Thanks for the comment, BTW. ^^

[ladymetaka.livejournal.com]

very pretty and moving, my heart ached to read it. ;_; I just wanna give them both a huge hug. Excellent work!

[okami-hu.livejournal.com]

Thank you! ^^ It feels nice to be recognized.

[lenihanfighter.livejournal.com]

I think I have almost put it to music. n_n This poem deserves to be put to music. ^^ It's so beautiful and touching... Oh my, if my mother would sing that to me before I fall asleep, I'd fall asleep crying. ... Good thing the last time my mother sung a lullaby to me is sixteen years ago. ^^; I think I'm a little to old for that now.

But oh my... the rhyme here is awesome. *_* I can hear the violin, piano and flute already playing it. I love it!

[okami-hu.livejournal.com]

*melts into a happily twitching puddle*

[lenihanfighter.livejournal.com]

*carefully pokes the happily twitching puddle* Oo; OMG, I created a twitching puddle. XD;

Hmm... now I'm working on it, I have one small critique... In the last sentence of the last stanza, you wrote "True happiness soon would follow". I sung the poem several times already (to great dismay of the rest of the family, 'cause I can't sing ^^;) and it seems to me that instead of 'would' you should use 'will'. Because the sentence before is also in the present tense, and would is the past tense of present, and it should be present, if you understand what I mean. Oo;;

Alright, I'll shut up now and I'll see if I can let you melt even more by figuring out the correct notes and writing them down. =P

[okami-hu.livejournal.com]

I actually used would to put the sentence into conditional. Because it's a possibility. Or something like that... Anyway, as I told you before, feel free to change! OMG, I should write song lyrics for FMA...

[lenihanfighter.livejournal.com]

I looked it up and it appears both will and would are possible. XD I think I find that 'will' sounds more natural, because would refers to the past for me, but they are both correct and they both indicate a possibility. *English language freak here ¬¬ please forgive me*

Aaaaanyway, I got two nice programs on which I can play the songs, I only need to learn to work with it, but then I can send you the melody. XD One of them is really awesome, like an electric organ (which I so want to have... if I can't have a piano), only because it's a demo, I can't use the sharp F automatically, so that sucks, but apart from that... *smiles beatifically* I love it.

[okami-hu.livejournal.com]

*Hands you a tissue* Glad you liked ^^