Mmm... yes, I'm back since I remembered I told you guys once that I'll look at your fics and give a fair judgement. ^^
TEH GOODNESS: You both have come a looooong way and I'll even say that it was good fluff, to a certain extent. The front part was not too bad at all. The ambience was there and the actions of Fuery were probably in character too. The way both of you phrased the sentences is GREAT (to me...). No excessive commas are seen. Woot! Keep it up! ^0^
RANTS: Because I'm picky like that.
You're such a romantic I'll need an explanation as I'm dumb. >.>
No, you didn't because we treat the civilians with respect they deserve as Amestris' people you don't
Probably they are different aspects of liking someone probably because
I guess then I'm a coward I guess I'm a coward then. =D
Only if you'll call me John *looks horrified here* Jean, it's Jean. And it's pronounced as Zhyahn according to hawkeye_chuui. XD
Havoc was a little OOC, just a little. Perhaps it was how he spoke, but you can always argue that he was feeling awkward around Fuery, so I don't know about this. *shrugs*
That's all. Oh, and I felt that there was too much sugar at the end [please don't mind me here] but since it is intentional, I shall complain no more.
This is just a sketchy report as I'm running short of time but there isn't any big problems which I know of. So, I'm giving a 7 out of 10 for this one. And please feel free to correct me in any way when you think I'm wrong (I can't write a good fic to save my life).
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-10-16 05:59 am (UTC)TEH GOODNESS: You both have come a looooong way and I'll even say that it was good fluff, to a certain extent. The front part was not too bad at all. The ambience was there and the actions of Fuery were probably in character too. The way both of you phrased the sentences is GREAT (to me...). No excessive commas are seen. Woot! Keep it up! ^0^
RANTS: Because I'm picky like that.
You're such a romantic
I'll need an explanation as I'm dumb. >.>
No, you didn't because we treat the civilians with respect they deserve as Amestris' people
you don't
Probably they are different aspects of liking someone
probably because
I guess then I'm a coward
I guess I'm a coward then. =D
Only if you'll call me John
*looks horrified here* Jean, it's Jean. And it's pronounced as
Zhyahn according to hawkeye_chuui. XDHavoc was a little OOC, just a little. Perhaps it was how he spoke, but you can always argue that he was feeling awkward around Fuery, so I don't know about this. *shrugs*
That's all. Oh, and I felt that there was too much sugar at the end [please don't mind me here] but since it is intentional, I shall complain no more.
This is just a sketchy report as I'm running short of time but there isn't any big problems which I know of. So, I'm giving a 7 out of 10 for this one. And please feel free to correct me in any way when you think I'm wrong (I can't write a good fic to save my life).