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Title: She loved lemonade
Genre: general
Type: drabble
Word count: 400
Character focus: Belsio
A/N: Damn, I liked this guy so much in ep10-11! ^^
Belsio planted the first lemon tree the day after he met the woman he fell in love with at the first sight. The reason was simple: she loved lemonade.
Belsio was a persistent man and he raised the small plant with tender care. And as it grew, so did the love between them; the girl accepted his courting and responded with passion.
The lemon tree grew fast. The dark-haired young man felt like flying when he first kissed his sweetheart. He was in Paradise, when they made love first. He cried with joy
on their wedding day.
By the time she announced that she’s expecting a baby, Belsio had a garden full of young lemon trees. He was the happiest man alive.
He was afraid, when his wife came down with some illness but he didn’t think it was something serious. Not until the first sapling began to wither.
One month later, Belsio kneeled down next to the bed with a glass of lemonade. His wife looked up on him with a weak smile; she was almost transparent, as the sunshine kissed her marble skin and the still-beautiful blonde hair. The child was long dead; the mother’s illness killed it in the womb.
Belsio caressed the locks of spun gold. “Would you like to drink, my love?”
“Thank you, darling” the ghostly beauty whispered softly. “But I can’t hold the glass. Let me drink from your mouth.”
Belsio obeyed with a smile and he pressed his lips to his wife’s, to let her swallow the cool, fresh liquid. He felt the slim fingers on his hair for a heartbeat; then the pale hand fell back to the bed. Belsio pulled away and stared at the golden beauty in his arms.
Her eyes were closed forever.
Two days after the funeral, the first little sapling died too. The next morning, Belsio went out to the garden to destroy all of them.
But as he stood there, hearing the breeze’s whisper, seeing the sunshine dancing on the fresh leaves, he couldn’t raise his hand against them. His beloved wife loved these trees; it would have been the disgracing of her memory to kill them. They made him realize, that he has to live on.
The trees grew and the pain lessened. And when Nash Tringham’s first son, the golden-haired little Russel was born, Belsio made a lemon pie for the proud mother.
Genre: general
Type: drabble
Word count: 400
Character focus: Belsio
A/N: Damn, I liked this guy so much in ep10-11! ^^
Belsio planted the first lemon tree the day after he met the woman he fell in love with at the first sight. The reason was simple: she loved lemonade.
Belsio was a persistent man and he raised the small plant with tender care. And as it grew, so did the love between them; the girl accepted his courting and responded with passion.
The lemon tree grew fast. The dark-haired young man felt like flying when he first kissed his sweetheart. He was in Paradise, when they made love first. He cried with joy
on their wedding day.
By the time she announced that she’s expecting a baby, Belsio had a garden full of young lemon trees. He was the happiest man alive.
He was afraid, when his wife came down with some illness but he didn’t think it was something serious. Not until the first sapling began to wither.
One month later, Belsio kneeled down next to the bed with a glass of lemonade. His wife looked up on him with a weak smile; she was almost transparent, as the sunshine kissed her marble skin and the still-beautiful blonde hair. The child was long dead; the mother’s illness killed it in the womb.
Belsio caressed the locks of spun gold. “Would you like to drink, my love?”
“Thank you, darling” the ghostly beauty whispered softly. “But I can’t hold the glass. Let me drink from your mouth.”
Belsio obeyed with a smile and he pressed his lips to his wife’s, to let her swallow the cool, fresh liquid. He felt the slim fingers on his hair for a heartbeat; then the pale hand fell back to the bed. Belsio pulled away and stared at the golden beauty in his arms.
Her eyes were closed forever.
Two days after the funeral, the first little sapling died too. The next morning, Belsio went out to the garden to destroy all of them.
But as he stood there, hearing the breeze’s whisper, seeing the sunshine dancing on the fresh leaves, he couldn’t raise his hand against them. His beloved wife loved these trees; it would have been the disgracing of her memory to kill them. They made him realize, that he has to live on.
The trees grew and the pain lessened. And when Nash Tringham’s first son, the golden-haired little Russel was born, Belsio made a lemon pie for the proud mother.
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A few minor mistakes (e.g. "her wife" and "series" instead of "serious"), but the whole fic itself was cute. Good work!
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Loved how you made him carry on even after the death of his wife.
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Glad, you liked! ^^
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Belsio planted the first lemon tree the day after he met the woman he fell in love with at the first sight.
The end of this sentence is a little odd to me, I think the structure is a bit off. I'm not quite sure how to fix it though, which makes my criticism here sort of useless... Maybe if the "at first sight" was part of a seperate thought. "Belsio planted the first lemon tree the day after he met the woman he fell in love with. It had been love at first sight."
And he cried on their wedding day from joy.
I'd say this is a dangling participle, but I don't think that's quite it. It flows a little better as "He cried with joy on their wedding day."
There are also a few misplaced commas, like in the fifth paragraph the comma would work better after "but" rather than after "He was afraid." (Also, you switch tense in the middle of the sentence. "...but he didn't think it was something serious," perhaps works better).
Sorry for all the nitpicking! I tend to get English-teacherish at times, just smack me. ^_^ It really is a good fic, and it's so nice to see an original point of view on things using the minor characters. Plus, the way you've written this, even if people don't remember Belsio's name, they'll remember him by the lemons. (-:
no subject
Thanx for the corrections; since my mother tongue isn't English, I tend to make such mistakes. Hey, wanna beta for me...? I didn't touch the first sentence though; but I corrected the other two. Shiit, I used double past tense...! Oo
And I'm thinking about writing more stories and drabbles for him; he instantly captured me, although he only had a minor role. Dunno why; the same goes for Fury... ^_^ Anyway, thanks for the help and the comment!