*carefully pokes the happily twitching puddle* Oo; OMG, I created a twitching puddle. XD;
Hmm... now I'm working on it, I have one small critique... In the last sentence of the last stanza, you wrote "True happiness soon would follow". I sung the poem several times already (to great dismay of the rest of the family, 'cause I can't sing ^^;) and it seems to me that instead of 'would' you should use 'will'. Because the sentence before is also in the present tense, and would is the past tense of present, and it should be present, if you understand what I mean. Oo;;
Alright, I'll shut up now and I'll see if I can let you melt even more by figuring out the correct notes and writing them down. =P
no subject
Hmm... now I'm working on it, I have one small critique... In the last sentence of the last stanza, you wrote "True happiness soon would follow". I sung the poem several times already (to great dismay of the rest of the family, 'cause I can't sing ^^;) and it seems to me that instead of 'would' you should use 'will'. Because the sentence before is also in the present tense, and would is the past tense of present, and it should be present, if you understand what I mean. Oo;;
Alright, I'll shut up now and I'll see if I can let you melt even more by figuring out the correct notes and writing them down. =P